remembering goals that I thought of and worked on in 2015 and continued/fullfilled in 2016..
it was an incredibly emotional year in terms of joy and pain, love and sorrow, laughs and cries – all wildly mixed up and reminding me, once again, on how there is no resolutions and plans that could ever cross Gods plans for you.
the ‘bad timing’ of certain experience some years back has turned out to be the door holder for doors that I wasn’t ready to enter up until this year. and well.. I entered, rocked, moved, broke down but had a ground to stand on, strength to catch me and air to breath myself back up.
the timing, as I had finally realized, could have not been any better. God told me to be patient and I have lost all things sabr (arab. for patience) and gratefulness along the way just to feel the damage I put myself through when rebelling against Gods advice for my well being and my truth. God has repeatedly blessed me with sabr and reflection as a measure to regain control. a blessing that I luckily and finally took a hold of and hope to not let go of easily again.
this term has gained a certain significance and a new meaning all over again the past year for it has kept me strong in times when I thought of strength as an impossibility for me. and I could write a novel on sabr and how it has managed to become a firm part of a guardian spirit of mine and a lifesaver to it, but I guess all I really want to say is: it’s going to be alright. maybe not the kind of alright that you had in mind or wished for.
but some kind of alright. an alright that has survived many close-to-giving-up moments, swam through puddles of tears and was nurtured by miserable pains only to find some light being shined on; some acknowledgement of an alright that has hidden for too long and costed way too much. an alright that has gained a little wisdom, much growth and many lessons and reached you to stay. a little longer than ever. and maybe as long as forever.